As some of you may know, my husband and I are going through some really rough changes.
In our relationships with ourselves, and with each other.
There are many issues that have come to light in recent weeks and days, but one of the many issues that have come to light, is Eric and My issues with OURSELVES.
We're uncomfortable in our own bodies, because we've gained so much weight over the last 14 years.
It's high time that we stop allowing our lack of motivation get the best of us, and just get to work. Not even for each other or the marriage, but for OURSELVES, because these are issues that will follow us regardless of where we end up going together.
Eric will hop on here if he wants to, to discuss his weight loss issues and insights, but for now I am going to focus on myself.
I have just a plethora of issues.
I've had weight issues since I was a little girl. I've always been bigger, and always had the big ta-ta's and always been .... well, just bigger.
My childhood was full of carbs and fat. Our meals were spaghetti, fried chicken, BBQ, pork chops, hot dogs, chips, soda, etc. We had fruits and veggies too, but far too much animal based proteins and fats. We always had candy or cookies and ice cream and soda on hand, and weekend breakfasts consisted of fried eggs, fried protatos, pancakes or waffles, fried ham, and bacon. ... Yes usually all at the same time.
So it's no wonder why, in my early 20's, I was suffering from PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and my health was in severe decline. My cholesterol was awful, and my triglycerides, which should be under 150, were 355. I found it necessary to start on Metformin to help get my sugars down, and try to avoid type 2 diabetes. I also had estrogen levels to rival those of a 50 year old, and was having hot flashes and just feeling awful all the time.
I tried to get my weight under control in about 2012-2014. I was successful.
Through diet and exercise, I was able to get back to my high school weight of about 190, and I was feeling awesome. My cholesterol was down, my triglycerides were down, and I felt all around better, physically and emotionally.
I also did this in order to get pregnant again, because I wanted one more chance at my little girl. I was able to get pregnant miraculously, since I wasn't having luck at normal anything, as far as cycles go. I think my weight at that point was about 205 or so.
(Hello Coulson buddy! Not a girl. Cried a little on that ultrasound and not because I was overjoyed. .. ... oy. lol. Love him though! Wouldn't trade him for anything)
I didn't gain too much during the pregnancy, only about 15 pounds total, but afterwards I gained a LOT of weight back.
I was on high protein / high calorie diet and couldn't exercise because of severe wound issues due to my c-section, and I was fighting off post-partum depression, which I am sad to say I am not doing very well at, 15ish months later.
So. Here we are again. However this time I feel more of a sense of urgency on the issue. I am not feeling well at all again, and it's come to light that these issues that Eric and I have with ourselves, are effecting our ability to be comfortable with one another.
It's high time that I get healthy again, and STAY that way. It's not enough to get back to a high school weight, if I am just going to stop being healthy and gain the weight back. It's not okay to be complacent with that, and then be miserable that I've been complacent with it.
It's time to shut up and put the big girl (pun intended maybe?) pants on.
I've hopped back on 'LoseIt!', which is a site where I can log meals and count calories. It's also good because you can add other 'LoseIt!' people as friends, and there are supportive forums, etc., where you can all help motivate each other and celebrate wins, and help each other through the not so fun times.
We're already in the process of weeding out the junk food, and snacking on more on fruits and vegetables. I am eating slightly better things for lunch thins week (this is a new process, bear with me, lol) of fruits, veggies, salads.
The issue I think for me, is A: Dinners. B: Exercise and C: Reading snacks. C: Water.
I can't read at night without snacks. So I am going to have to find lower calorie, higher protein, lower 'junk food' type of snacks to do my nightly reading.
Dinners, we're doing 'okay' at, but we eat far too much pasta, and when we do eat the pasta, we have far too much of it. More than one serving per person. Those calories and carbs really do add up when you're doing it multiple times a week, or even a day.
Exercise is an issue for me. Mainly because I am usually in pain in my legs and back and ankles at the end of the day, and I am just so tired that I can't really bring myself to do it. However that is a circular issue. I can't feel better if I don't exercise, and I can't exercise if I don't feel well, etc. etc., so I just have to push through the pain and "Get er' DONE". The other with exercise is just finding a place to do it consistently. Whether it's walks around our parkway in the evening or going to our apartments clubhouse or even using the equipment we already have.
Water. ... Water is my nemesis! It generally tastes awful and I generally don't have time to do infusing or anything like that. I am going to just have to MAKE time. I've been doing pretty good since I started my new job actually, getting in at least a good 32ozs while I am at work, but that is not nearly enough. Your supposed to, I've heard, drink at least half of your weight, in ounces of water. ... yeah ... SO ..... I am only getting like 1/4 of what I should be ... lol. I should be getting between 100-110 ozs of water a day. .. YIKES!
Anyhow.
So there you go. The weight loss issues are about to blow up in our faces and I, for one, am tired with it being an issue, and I am tired of feeling sick and tired. So. Time to go!
- CJ
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Saturday, May 14, 2016
New Job, Parenting Issues, Bullying and General Family Stuff
Hey all!
SO I started my new job this past week. WOO HOO!
I am a Business Office Specialist at Bristol Hospice here in Utah. It's an office job, and one that I am well suited to.
The person in the position before me was ... .... not quite good at the job, from what I am hearing, so I am hearing how great I am doing and how happy they are. Which is helpful for me to hear, because I always worry that I am not quite up to par on things, even if I think or know that I've done a good job, that little bit of doubt is generally still there.
I think that my past as a Medical Assistant, and my past with medical records, enables me to understand the business better than the average person who's only done office work.
It's a job that offers tuition reimbursement and all that also, for work related fields of study. So my desire to become and RN case manager or social worker is something I can more easily work towards. They also adjust your work scheduled based upon your school schedule, so, it'll be good. Thats not something I plan on starting for quite awhile yet, but in the next couple of years. Coulson is just too young and our schedules too hectic right now, to add my own schooling and homework to the mix.
Eric is ... just working. He's having a bunch of things thrown his way by his superiors. He's been thinking in the way that they are just dumping things on him, and so that's been frustrating him, however it's incorrect.
As I've told him, and now thankfully his bosses have told him, they are throwing things on him because they trust him to figure out things and get things done. It's a compliment!
-------------
This week the kids are crazy.
Coulson is being watched by an old friend of mine turned new again! Gal named Brenda. We were friends in elementary school and reconnected this many years later via Facebook. Turns out Brenda is a stay at home Mama who watches kids. SCORE FOR US!
So Coulson has been with her this week. He's taken the last week to learn that Brenda is still going to feed him, won't steal his binkie, and will still change his butt, and that 'yes', Mom and Dad are still here and Daddy will pick him up in a bit. ha ha. Monday he was crying a bunch and wouldn't nap for Brenda. Through Thursday really he wasn't really crying unless he couldn't see Brenda, but still wouldn't really nap, from what I am gathering. Yesterday though he wasn't crying or whiny, he let her go to the bathroom without him freaking out, and he took a nap! SaWEET!
The other two boys are not so happy though.
First, Ethan is having friend issues. He's feeling as though he doesn't have many good friends, and that the friends he does have, he can't count on. They let him down and disappoint him and don't stick up for him, etc. So he's telling me he wants to change schools. ... Which, honestly, since Ryan will be going to a different school next year anyways, I don't mind doing for Ethan. I have explained to Ethan that switching schools may not help the issue. However, it's no secret that the school they are in, is lowest in the district for test scores, and highest for needy children. Either in special needs or in financial need. This school has a lot of issues with bullying. More so than any other school the kids have been in, and they have a general, overall sense of just .. inappropriate behavior. Honestly when things are brought up to teachers and the principle, it doesn't seem as though they really do much at all about it. Nothing ever changes. It kind of seems like that school is the ... lowest of the rankings in most area's.
We're guests in the district though, because it's still a better district for my kids than our own, but, it's not the best school they've been in, within that district. So I very well may change the school next year, and hopefully get them into the one they were in when Ryan was in kindergarten, as that school is amaze balls in many ways. More on that to come.
Ryan is having issues with bullying still, because some of the kids in this class are just ridiculous. He has an African American kid who just needs some sense beaten into him entirely. He calls everyone and nearly everything 'racist' and tries to segregate games at recess, keeping the white kids on one team and the colored kids on another, and makes comments such as "Slavery wasn't so bad, we should bring it back and make white people slaves" ... good lord. I don't know if his parents just don't know he says these things, or if they just don't care, but, it's just ridiculous.
Especially because he picks on Ryan and calls Ryan racist and makes fun of his Autism issues. Ryan is the sweetest thing in the universe and has no hateful bone in his body, but because Ryan swatted a fly away one day, saying "stupid black fly" as he was doing it, he's 'racist'. Ugh. Shut UP already. This kid even calls the teacher racist, for using black marker on a white board. He needs to be educated.
There are other kids also who think it's okay to hit and push and stab pencils, etc.
Long story short, Ryan and Ethan will be starting MMA or some variation thereof, in a couple of weeks. Ryan HATES violence, which is amazing, but he needs to be able to beat the snot out of someone, should he find himself in the position to need to defend himself.
He's a lovable and just amazing kid. He's 'FABULOUS!' which is something we all know. However I want him to be a FABULOUS kid, who's able to beat the tar out of someone. He gets bullied because he's so nice and sweet, and lets it happen. That needs to stop, and these kids just do it because they suck and think that he'll keep taking it. SO. MMA will help empower him to STOP taking it, and protect his friends who are also being bullied. Currently he gets more upset about his friends being bullied, because he can't protect them, as he has no aggressive bone in his body.
So. That's whats going on. Working and kid trauma drama.
Plans for the future being laid out with the martial arts and a couple of other things.
A couple of trips to plan, like going to Idaho to see Eric's Grandma, as it's been far too long since we've gone. I was preggo last time we went, which was fall of 2014. So it's high time we traveled that way. We also would like to go camping again this year. To a place with plenty of shade of course because I don't do heat very well. Shade is key, we've come to find out.
- CJ
SO I started my new job this past week. WOO HOO!
I am a Business Office Specialist at Bristol Hospice here in Utah. It's an office job, and one that I am well suited to.
The person in the position before me was ... .... not quite good at the job, from what I am hearing, so I am hearing how great I am doing and how happy they are. Which is helpful for me to hear, because I always worry that I am not quite up to par on things, even if I think or know that I've done a good job, that little bit of doubt is generally still there.
I think that my past as a Medical Assistant, and my past with medical records, enables me to understand the business better than the average person who's only done office work.
It's a job that offers tuition reimbursement and all that also, for work related fields of study. So my desire to become and RN case manager or social worker is something I can more easily work towards. They also adjust your work scheduled based upon your school schedule, so, it'll be good. Thats not something I plan on starting for quite awhile yet, but in the next couple of years. Coulson is just too young and our schedules too hectic right now, to add my own schooling and homework to the mix.
Eric is ... just working. He's having a bunch of things thrown his way by his superiors. He's been thinking in the way that they are just dumping things on him, and so that's been frustrating him, however it's incorrect.
As I've told him, and now thankfully his bosses have told him, they are throwing things on him because they trust him to figure out things and get things done. It's a compliment!
-------------
This week the kids are crazy.
Coulson is being watched by an old friend of mine turned new again! Gal named Brenda. We were friends in elementary school and reconnected this many years later via Facebook. Turns out Brenda is a stay at home Mama who watches kids. SCORE FOR US!
So Coulson has been with her this week. He's taken the last week to learn that Brenda is still going to feed him, won't steal his binkie, and will still change his butt, and that 'yes', Mom and Dad are still here and Daddy will pick him up in a bit. ha ha. Monday he was crying a bunch and wouldn't nap for Brenda. Through Thursday really he wasn't really crying unless he couldn't see Brenda, but still wouldn't really nap, from what I am gathering. Yesterday though he wasn't crying or whiny, he let her go to the bathroom without him freaking out, and he took a nap! SaWEET!
The other two boys are not so happy though.
First, Ethan is having friend issues. He's feeling as though he doesn't have many good friends, and that the friends he does have, he can't count on. They let him down and disappoint him and don't stick up for him, etc. So he's telling me he wants to change schools. ... Which, honestly, since Ryan will be going to a different school next year anyways, I don't mind doing for Ethan. I have explained to Ethan that switching schools may not help the issue. However, it's no secret that the school they are in, is lowest in the district for test scores, and highest for needy children. Either in special needs or in financial need. This school has a lot of issues with bullying. More so than any other school the kids have been in, and they have a general, overall sense of just .. inappropriate behavior. Honestly when things are brought up to teachers and the principle, it doesn't seem as though they really do much at all about it. Nothing ever changes. It kind of seems like that school is the ... lowest of the rankings in most area's.
We're guests in the district though, because it's still a better district for my kids than our own, but, it's not the best school they've been in, within that district. So I very well may change the school next year, and hopefully get them into the one they were in when Ryan was in kindergarten, as that school is amaze balls in many ways. More on that to come.
Ryan is having issues with bullying still, because some of the kids in this class are just ridiculous. He has an African American kid who just needs some sense beaten into him entirely. He calls everyone and nearly everything 'racist' and tries to segregate games at recess, keeping the white kids on one team and the colored kids on another, and makes comments such as "Slavery wasn't so bad, we should bring it back and make white people slaves" ... good lord. I don't know if his parents just don't know he says these things, or if they just don't care, but, it's just ridiculous.
Especially because he picks on Ryan and calls Ryan racist and makes fun of his Autism issues. Ryan is the sweetest thing in the universe and has no hateful bone in his body, but because Ryan swatted a fly away one day, saying "stupid black fly" as he was doing it, he's 'racist'. Ugh. Shut UP already. This kid even calls the teacher racist, for using black marker on a white board. He needs to be educated.
There are other kids also who think it's okay to hit and push and stab pencils, etc.
Long story short, Ryan and Ethan will be starting MMA or some variation thereof, in a couple of weeks. Ryan HATES violence, which is amazing, but he needs to be able to beat the snot out of someone, should he find himself in the position to need to defend himself.
He's a lovable and just amazing kid. He's 'FABULOUS!' which is something we all know. However I want him to be a FABULOUS kid, who's able to beat the tar out of someone. He gets bullied because he's so nice and sweet, and lets it happen. That needs to stop, and these kids just do it because they suck and think that he'll keep taking it. SO. MMA will help empower him to STOP taking it, and protect his friends who are also being bullied. Currently he gets more upset about his friends being bullied, because he can't protect them, as he has no aggressive bone in his body.
So. That's whats going on. Working and kid trauma drama.
Plans for the future being laid out with the martial arts and a couple of other things.
A couple of trips to plan, like going to Idaho to see Eric's Grandma, as it's been far too long since we've gone. I was preggo last time we went, which was fall of 2014. So it's high time we traveled that way. We also would like to go camping again this year. To a place with plenty of shade of course because I don't do heat very well. Shade is key, we've come to find out.
- CJ
Sunday, May 1, 2016
New Family Shenanigans! Baking, Job Offers, and WALKING!
Hello All!
It's been a busy week so I haven't been updating.
SO MUCH has happened this past week +
#1 - That bread I told you we were making before? It turned out pretty good! I think I used too much flour when I was kneading it, but other than that, it was narly sauce!
Here is the recipe, and how ours looked:
#2! - Ryan and I decided to make M&M cookies using the 'Strawberry Shortcake M&M's we got on our trip to Las Vegas early April. They were narly! Here is the recipe we used, as well as how they turned out:
#3 - I had two job offers this week, on the same day. One was from the Unified PD, and was actually a position that I had already received a 'sorry we've chosen someone else' email from, the week before. So that was out of blue and unexpected.
The second offer was from a local hospice company, and was one I was hoping would come through. After some discussion with my husband and some thinking, I accepted the hospice offer, and declined UPD. There were a couple of reasons for that. #1 - Is that I was the hospice companies first choice, not a secondary. #2 - Hospice company is offering me significantly more money. #3 - The hospice company manager told me in an interview, when I told her that my previous bosses labeled me as 'tenacious', that it was great I am that way because they need someone like that in their office.
We all know I need to be somewhere where my non-nonsense/tenacious attitude, is going to be appreciated. I am not sure that the UPD is that place. In the hospice company I'll have more individuality, I believe.
So I should be starting with that company a week from tomorrow!
#4 - Probably the most exciting thing ever - COULSON IS WALKING! WOOT WOOOT! - He's not gutsy enough to just stand up and walk yet, but he can walk a good 6 or so feet on his own, going between Eric and myself. SO FUN! ... yet scary. We need to get the drawer and cabinet locks on pretty quickly. The outlet covers went on months ago, but we were holding off on the drawer locks. It's time though!
Here is not a picture of him walking, but a picture of him being a TP Thief! (only video I have of him walking is on Ryans phone ... haha)
Other things going on week, is that this is the first week of Eric's new graveyard schedule. It's been really interesting for him to learn how to sleep in shifts with Coulson.
Coulson generally sleeps relatively well during the day, nap wise, but he's had a cold this week and so he's not sleeping so well at all. He's moving out of it though. Hopefully next week is much better. Also it will be easier in a few weeks, as the boys will be out of school and can watch Cole while Eric is sleeping. For a fee of course. I know they are his big brothers but, it's not there job to watch him all the time either so, they will be paid for their services. I am like that ... sometimes .. haha.
The best part of this past week, was when Coulson first started walking back and forth between Eric and I. It was in the afternoon, after the kids were home from school, and Eric made the comment "I am so glad I am home for this" - Because we both realized that had he not had his schedule changed, he may have missed those first steps, and I had I still been working at SRR instead of taking some time off, I may have missed them too, if they had happened earlier in the day.
We're just excited for the changed ahead. Things are changing and moving in positive directions, and we are grateful that we have the ability to experience this all together, and to have more time with Eric at night because he's on graves. One day down the road, he and I will be on the same schedule again and all will be 'normal' ... but probably not until Cole is in preschool full time.
We're going out with the old, and in with the new. If the old is positive and bright, we'll bring it along.
- CJ
It's been a busy week so I haven't been updating.
SO MUCH has happened this past week +
#1 - That bread I told you we were making before? It turned out pretty good! I think I used too much flour when I was kneading it, but other than that, it was narly sauce!
Here is the recipe, and how ours looked:
 | |||
| http://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1017369-excellent-white-bread |
 |
| http://allrecipes.com/recipe/10785/robbis-mms-cookies/ |
The second offer was from a local hospice company, and was one I was hoping would come through. After some discussion with my husband and some thinking, I accepted the hospice offer, and declined UPD. There were a couple of reasons for that. #1 - Is that I was the hospice companies first choice, not a secondary. #2 - Hospice company is offering me significantly more money. #3 - The hospice company manager told me in an interview, when I told her that my previous bosses labeled me as 'tenacious', that it was great I am that way because they need someone like that in their office.
We all know I need to be somewhere where my non-nonsense/tenacious attitude, is going to be appreciated. I am not sure that the UPD is that place. In the hospice company I'll have more individuality, I believe.
So I should be starting with that company a week from tomorrow!
#4 - Probably the most exciting thing ever - COULSON IS WALKING! WOOT WOOOT! - He's not gutsy enough to just stand up and walk yet, but he can walk a good 6 or so feet on his own, going between Eric and myself. SO FUN! ... yet scary. We need to get the drawer and cabinet locks on pretty quickly. The outlet covers went on months ago, but we were holding off on the drawer locks. It's time though!
Here is not a picture of him walking, but a picture of him being a TP Thief! (only video I have of him walking is on Ryans phone ... haha)
 |
| We thought he was in the playroom ... NOPE! |
Other things going on week, is that this is the first week of Eric's new graveyard schedule. It's been really interesting for him to learn how to sleep in shifts with Coulson.
Coulson generally sleeps relatively well during the day, nap wise, but he's had a cold this week and so he's not sleeping so well at all. He's moving out of it though. Hopefully next week is much better. Also it will be easier in a few weeks, as the boys will be out of school and can watch Cole while Eric is sleeping. For a fee of course. I know they are his big brothers but, it's not there job to watch him all the time either so, they will be paid for their services. I am like that ... sometimes .. haha.
The best part of this past week, was when Coulson first started walking back and forth between Eric and I. It was in the afternoon, after the kids were home from school, and Eric made the comment "I am so glad I am home for this" - Because we both realized that had he not had his schedule changed, he may have missed those first steps, and I had I still been working at SRR instead of taking some time off, I may have missed them too, if they had happened earlier in the day.
We're just excited for the changed ahead. Things are changing and moving in positive directions, and we are grateful that we have the ability to experience this all together, and to have more time with Eric at night because he's on graves. One day down the road, he and I will be on the same schedule again and all will be 'normal' ... but probably not until Cole is in preschool full time.
We're going out with the old, and in with the new. If the old is positive and bright, we'll bring it along.
- CJ
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